Microsoft last week announced on Twitter it was releasing some new Windows 95 ‘softwear’ for the holidays, showing off the world’s ugliest Christmas jumper. I mean, just look at it. That’s one hideous piece of knitwear, straight from the nightmarish needles of Bill Gates’ gran herself. And I kind of hate myself for desperately wanting one.
But it seems the only way to pick up one of the #WindowsUglySweaters is to ingratiate yourself with the Windows Twitter account and hope they’ll love you enough to slide into your DMs and offer you one. But given the positive response the blocky Windows 95 jumper has garnered it looks like this is set to become a new festive tradition. Microsoft has once more taken to Twitter, this time to canvas opinion as to what next year’s jumper should have as its own version of Windows.
The vote has now closed, and the public has spoken. Sadly nearly 9,000 of the 24,498 votes have been for ‘Windows 10, of course’ in the most leading Twitter poll I’ve seen since Nvidia asked: Would you like unfeasibly expensive new graphics cards, or just no graphics cards at all?
It looks for all the world like a fix, with Windows XP as the popular second choice with 35% of the votes against Windows 10’s 36%. That’s surely too close to call… but also both choices are absolutely wrong. The right answer is, quite obviously, to have a Windows Vista Christmas jumper for next year.
Thanks for all the ❤️ it looks like we might have a new holiday tradition on our hands! If the #WindowsUglySweater comes back next year, what version should we do?
— Windows (@Windows) 15 December 2018
A truly hideous Vista sweater will have just the right amount of nostalgic “Oh, I ‘member…” and with that added “Oh holy hell, that was a dreadful piece of software” edge that will make it a truly disgusting jumper to wear. And one that everyone will want for the once-a-year ironic bad taste knitwear parade that is Christmas.
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But if I fail to overturn the Twitter poll and have Vista installed as the next #WindowsUglySweater for 2019, I’ve at least got a year to learn to knit and figure out how to run my own artisanal softwear store.